Safe and Sound

Living and breathing..still!! I really don't know where to begin with life so I guess I'll just write(:
I sit everyday inside my own mind, my strange yet unique complex mind thinking of all the things I want to accomplish in life, thinking of how I wish those who are hurting could find peace and happiness..like I have. I have my good and bad days, my up and downs...but truly at the end of the day I am content and happy because I believe that there are great things ahead. I want to allow people to understand me....because I know most don't, they see me this sweet kind hearted loving girl...think I shine and tell me I light up rooms with just even the slightest smile on my face. But what they do not know is deep down inside me there is a girl wanting to escape from where I've been, here running in circles one step forward and three steps backwards always, there is a girl who has witnessed pain and sorrow, heart ache, things I never wish to see others go through...I wake up everyday trying to be better than I was yesterday. I want so badly to reach out and make my dreams become reality but it is so hard to do so when I am stuck in a place where I have been so deeply hurt..I sometimes wish I could let go of everything and fall into the arms of my savior my god and ask him to just let me sit up in heaven with him safe and sound.. But I know I cannot do that. Because he saved me for a reason, and although somedays I wish he hadn't I know I have a great purpose in this life of mine, I am meant for something. And although I may just be another girl to some, to someone very special in my life I am actually something more...I've met someone who sees me for me, who understands me, and although I just met him, I strongly believe he is who god himself made just for me, were so alike on so many levels it simply amazes me, when I stopped and turned away from love, I met him and I believe again that just maybe it's possible that I can have true happiness in life, and a love that won't fail or lie to me or hurt me.. a love just a great as gods love for me. Don't doubt for a moment love, that I am doubting us...I cannot count all the ways that you have opened my eyes and heart to seeing things and believing in something I've longed to have for such a long time, a person to understand me, and love me for all I am and will be, your the one my soul has been searching for.

Well...with all this said I'm going to take a break from writing (:
You're all beautiful in your own unique way, stay that way...change for no one.
Love Caity Joan<3

Confused.

Howdy again,
So...I figured I'd sit down and write whatever is on my mind so if I'm all over place thats because my mind is.
So many things are turning around in my life has been up down up down...things always seem to go great than just horrible...and I'm truly just scared. I feel so strongly towards this guy, and I really don't know without a doubt the feelings are mutual I want them to be...he's amazing beyond words, but my past is affecting me from truly accepting that I have someone as great as him. So I don't know what to do.I don't want to allow my mind to drive me insane and push him away. I need to figure out how to accept that I do deserve someone great like him. But after my last relationship it's difficult.  I can see myself falling for this guy and that alone is scary after what I went through in my last relationship. So what should I do?
Work, well it sucks and I wanna quit so badly but I can't, this town sucks and I just wanna get the FUCK out. I feel stuck and that is one thing I don't like. I don't know what to do.
All I know is I want to see my babe...
welll...keep smilin y'all

Imagine

Well, hello there my dears(:
So I haven't written here in a good while so figured I'd catch y'all up on the exciting life I live..
So..for starters I got a job oh yeah whos proud!..second through my job I met this extremely amazing man, seriously unlike any other. I cannot put into words how great he is..
My lifes become hectic, so much stress and little time for me..but worth it in the end, I've really taken a turning point in life. I've fallen few times but keep getting back up. Fighting for what I want, not much seems to be going as I want it to..then again when does it ever lol. But things I believe are going to get much better soon...I really just want to get out of this town remove the memories of past from my life for good and have a fresh start. I'm tired of waking up each morning wondering and waiting to see what shitty thing lifes gonna throw at me next. I hope for the best...but prepare for the worst. I pray...that things fall into place soon because lately I've seriously been going crazy.
I'll write more later with that..smile hunnys!!!<3